Relatively fewer downs than ups for certain. But, my world has been inverted and refined since I broke my jaw on the early morning of March 5. I’ve been processing all the emotions, supposed meanings, and truth that is my life. When I feel like “whatever I am is perfect” is when the ups happen. The downs are always surprising, to me, the calculated competitor. I judge myself harshly, in other times. But in the nowness of time, today on May 9 of 2017 in the year of our Lord Trumpkins, I cannot judge. My perceptions and perspectives and reality have all shifted. Inside and outside of me, I am bathing in flux.
The projects that I have adopted in my personal life and careers, are what I consider to be huge career works. In order to preserve my own morale around being “so productive” — between trying to live a good healthy life — it is true that I allow myself certain… freedoms. I allow myself to tell the truth, by pointing out what I’m seeing. This alleviates all sorts of anxieties within me, for all the reasons why you might feel the same way, if you were me. I’ve learned that I don’t know anything… except what love is. I’ve had to love myself more than I have ever tried to before. With having a broken jaw, and with the mouth being so very important to the life and welfare of me as a human being, the last 10-weeks have literally been the “go-time” of my adult age.
I sound over-important…
…when I talk about my careers, and projects, and dote on my clients. This is because I like to brag about every step I take that ends up going right. Because, I have been in places where every step I took was… not good, healthy, intelligent, etc. This is an observation, not one of my harsh self-judgments. There is a correlation between how much energy I have to heal, and how much I am doing to heal myself. I’ve noticed while healing from jaw surgery, that every iota of energy matters to me, when I’m healing a system inside my body. In more ways than one, I am discovering that my body seems like its own vast Universe… somehow we all have one (you and me), and they mostly all have the same needs (physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, sensual, etc.). As May opens and blooms, the deserts here in Arizona are already arid, but still cool in the evenings. I have opened my door every evening for the past two weeks… what joy to feel this desert town cool down. The range from hot day to cool night, and all the self-care has got me feeling present and aware.
Emotions are the #1 indicator of whether someone with a health challenge will heal and remain illness-free. Or, whether they will lapse into a cycle of illness. This is the message that I have heard loud and clear from literally dozens of top medical doctors. It seems to me a natural wonder, that emotions can be the wellspring of life or death. Okay, I kind of knew that already somehow, intuitively. For me, emotions are indicators of balance, transition, or imbalance. My emotions are in a nice place, with occasional clouds. 😉 I’m not on pharmaceuticals, which (coming from my family) is a rarity. I’m spending energy to ensure emotional balance, including taking mild natural/nutritional supplements that keep my brain healthy and active. I’m learning that my emotions seem to be well-balanced when I am physically whole. My natural focus with having a broken jaw, is to take all the care I can, of myself. This is a new way of life for me. Again, never before have I taken care of myself so well. So… emotionally… I’m MAKING GAINS
Not a pleasant way to frame the topic. Especially, since I am in pain often. Physically, I am “mostly able” to lead a normal life. So this is a big win. I could have been hurt worse, as I’ve myself said. There are some messy health challenges that I am in the midst of. But, I am accustomed to facing challenges. So… physically… I’m MAKING GAINS. There are some physical challenges to working on my careers, that breaking my jaw did not plan for. Hahah I am thinking of some funny/embarrassing moments, and you can ask me when you see me. Let me say that I have often felt physically disabled, because I broke my jaw. Yes, that’s to be expected. But, there are many details of living life in “that reality” that are hard to otherwise imagine.
Physical friendships have been missing from my life while I heal, except in rare occasions. I’ve been more or a Phone/Text friend, than in in-person friend, to my friends. Honestly, I did not feel like “going out” to feel physically or socially awkward around my friends. (This is my pride talking, haha.) But, for some reasons that I isolated my physical self, I did feel like I “would be back” soon. I’ve learned that — even when alone — there is always a potential for drama, when I am not properly socialized. 😉 I used to throw parties for a living, no joke, and for many reasons I feel comfortable being around many people. (Especially, when everyone is dancing.) You can imagine even my jaw’s confusion, when breaking my jaw prevented me from being more social. #solitaryperson #that’scoolwithmethough #releasecontrol
During the past several weeks, I have been posting, in lieu of normalized socialization. It “sort of” works. But really, if I were hard core about my health, perhaps I would have chosen a ‘wave-free’ / non-radio-active environment. But, I didn’t because I couldn’t, I felt. And so, being away from everyone… I am very much accustomed to being part of a social scene. Even in normaly, I have many real, offline, 3D+ friends, who I sincerely love, enjoy being around, and taking time to spend time with. As I tend to do: #ilovemyclients #ilovemycareers #realtalk
Thank YOU! Whether in-person…
…or on the telephone, or Skype, or E-mail and text and messenger, I want to THANK those who have been around me on a regular basis through my healing. I was humbled to have many people caring for me, and bringing me good laughs by text, phone, and in-person (<— the bravest ones). Recently, I returned from a trip to Sedona where I got to hug a lot of people I care about. I hung out with a half-dozen of my local yocal friends, and I got my laughing “in” and felt great smiling while feeling more confident about what that smile looks like and needs.
Career-iosity News Ups
On the ups side, I have a lot of my projects currently in bloom. I’m seeing some relative payoff from fostering real relationships, which brings me hope. CLICK HERE to read my latest news from the previous week. It will be more specific with details than this post is. Above and beyond last weeks news, I’m busy on projects that really light me up. In April, my life got a lot cooler and fun, when compared to March. First, I got my jaw unwired, which of course was life-changing. Then, I submitted my photographic art to a prestigious children’s museum, and was accepted and offered a 3-month exhibition. I had put together a winning proposal, that smoothed the path there. So knowing that my design and copywriting work — which is authentic (for the record) — worked… is way cool. (This helped me to feel more proficient at opening my own doors, instead of always asking fate to do it.)
Another BIG DEAL for me in April, was that I FINALLY FINISH-FINISHED my upcoming book The First 5 Project Planning Lessons. Took 2-years and now I know more than when I started. Also in April, I was able to post a range of graphic training goods, like leadership planning charts. I did a website revision, and helped one of my dedicated clients to finish a big print materials project. I got new daily glasses with UV coatings to protect my eyes from blue light on screens (laptop, cell phone, etc.).
If you’re on my IG @alishatheexplorer or my FB @theAlishaproject you will often see my glasses. Five jumbo art post cards that I shot, designed, and printed, went on sale at Jarrod’s Coffee, Tea & Gallery in Mesa, AZ (on Main Street). Oh, and Haiku book second edition release, and the launch of Jack Stuler Foundation at Phoenix Art Museum‘s InFocus lecture event… a client I have been working with for 10-months. So much progress. So, so much more even than I care to type here, as it is all still in-process.
In May, I have already had some career MAKING GAINS moments.
Introduced 2 hard working people who may be doing business together soon
I was interviewed by Lainie Sevante Wulkan for Zeta Global Radio about bees
I sent my The First 5 Project Planning Lessons to my potential publisher/marketer, and he likes it
Have attracted 4 different leads for new clients or new project work
Have booked 1 new client, and are continuing on 2 projects for a dedicated client
Learned to eat solid foods even through any pain (which I’m sure absolutely affects and improves my abilities to support clients)
I purchased the materials I needed to complete an accessory design project
Coming Soon (written back then a few days ago)
Privately, I will continue on my #jawjourney, and have appointments set-up with some doctors that can help heal me. Including, trying out Dr. Barry Goldberg DC, with the referral from my holistic dentist, Dr. Nicholas Meyer. Setting and going to these appointments is a big deal for me, and they are what I look forward to during the week, in between my career and family/friends focus. I’ve been in intensifying pain the last 3-weeks, and my appointment with Dr. Goldberg may actually solve much of the pain. (I am hoping!) I’ll still keep staying strong physically, emotionally, and staying present to do my best in all situations… because the alternative (NOT doing this) is not better.
Specific to May, I am hoping to meet in-person some of my new clients, traveling also for health treatments related to my jaw and general health, and visiting my existing clients. I am hoping to book 1-2 new projects, and earn my way to a few destination retreat experiences that are available on my plate. Before my jaw surgery I had recorded a video interview with health event and media producer, Rudolf de Wit. (If you go to his Summer 2017 events, use my coupon code: UCAFS007 to get a coupon discount.) Back to Rudolf and me, our segment was spent talking about my inaugural instrumental music album titled, “Meet Me There“. Perhaps this month, the interview will be posted. In the way of getting back to my travel lifestyle, I’m doing some planning and may soon be headed on a little trip to Montana… then maybe Colorado, Oregon, then California, Michigan, Pennsylvania, North Carolina, and if I’m lucky Chicago. These are my goals, and all of them include projects from the road, and also on-site with my clients. June and July and August are in the ether. I can’t see them in my visions at all right now.
Today (written earlier tonight)
One major change from who I was “before my fainting spell” and who I am today, is that I am a whole next level of honest and authentic. Through this exercise to mend myself at deep physical levels, I am found. I have learned that I desire truth and love above all else in my life. Being honest about “where I’m at” is an absolute must. I am getting good at it, but I am still learning to take the best possible care of myself so that I can heal from my more serious injuries. Why did it take (yet) another health crisis to help me learn that? Oh wait… because it was my fate.
I’m at peace with my fate. I have to be, or the alternative is simply a sad ending. I’m pleased to be finishing this post, sitting in my studio at my mother’s home, looking out the front window onto the grass, and the sun is about to go down. Just a minute, I need to go see it. 30 minutes later: The sunset I just watched was inspiring, and mesmirizing, and helped me to work some ideas out of my head. Pain left my head earlier today, and I know that probably is “weird” to read. Everyone understands what pain is. Some people avoid it. Some gravitate towards expressing it. Intense pain at length is NOT my favorite type. I’ve been in moderate pain for 3-weeks. And after today’s appointment with Dr. Barry Goldberg in Phoenix (holistic chiropractor and craniopath), I am more pain free than I have been in 3-weeks. This is new… and in my reality, an appointment this afternoon is the reason I feel well enough to finish this piece. Life is so good.